I believe I have figured out Big D’s and my future, just read on.

Recently, my friend was on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner he noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room and that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc. seemed very familiar with this lady. So, he asked the waiter who the lady was and he replied he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back-to-back.

As my friend left the dining room one evening he caught her eye and stopped to say hello and asked, “I understand you’ve been on this ship for the last four cruises?” She replied, “Yes, that’s true.” My friend stated, “I don’t understand” and she replied, without a pause, “It’s cheaper than a nursing home”.

So, I now know there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations on a Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. We will have as many as 10 meals a day if we can waddle to the restaurant, or we can have room service (which means we can have breakfast-in-bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. We will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. T. V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don’t even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

10. Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go.

So don’t look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS: And don’t forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side — at no charge!